It really is quite rare that I will get too down and out about this miserable condition, but today is the third consecutive day in a row of a flare up resulting in me being isolated from my work, friends and training so I figure it might help to let it out a little.
Fibromyalgia is an absolute bloody mistress of a condition and a damn right nuisance to anyone living with it. It’s also a HUGE inconvenience and frustration to anyone that knows/loves/works with someone that has it.
ONE of the most frustrating things about it is no matter how hard you try to ride it out and be patient with it, it has the ability to make you feel like an utter failure.
Three times I tried (and failed) to get up, dressed and ready for work today. Could I do it? Could I balls!
Whilst I KNOW there shouldn’t be any shame in not being well I can’t help but feel embaressed and ashamed having to call my boss for the second day in a row to confirm I am not well enough to be there. I hate letting people down and as much as I know and appreciate my colleagues and work place ‘get it’ it doesn’t make making that phone call any easier. Especially when I was absent from work for 6 weeks during the summer for a prolonged heightened episode of anxiety.
Times like this make me wish I had Bernard’s watch. If I could just pop everything around me on pause whilst I bury my body under the duvet and hit play when the flare up has done one, no one would know or think any differently of me. Sadly life isn’t a 90’s itv kids programme though, and as much as I try not to I will worry about what people think, where I could be and what I would rather be doing with my time whilst I lay in my pit and rest.
The positive of course to this situation is I am reminded by those dear to me that despite a few shit spells here and there I am still loved, I’m not alone and I WILL be okay. Family, friends and colleagues you are all total superstars and I love you all. Thank you for your patience. I will see you all very soon, annoying you with my shit jokes, awful singing and killer dance moves. You may even get a Kilimanjaro related post if you’re lucky…I know you’re all desperate to hear the details still!